Do Better

“Don’t worry about anything; tell God your needs and don’t forget to thank Him for His answers. If you do this you will experience God’s peace, which is far more wonderful than the human mind can understand. His peace will keep your thoughts and your hearts quiet and at rest as you trust in Christ Jesus.” (Philippians 4:6-7)

Mom was hacked again. We took a trip to the local bank and got her an account, which was a lot easier than she thought it would be. While there, I checked my account balance and I had bounced a check. I forgot to deduct a vet bill in June. Now my car payment is late. Thank God for the unexpected help of friends and I ask many blessings upon them all! At least I can call the loan company on Tuesday and, hopefully, sort it out.

I bought a gift card to pay my phone bill because I do not trust putting my account info online (I do this every month, withdraw the cash, buy the card) and my cell company will not accept it. Now I have to take a trip to the nearest store three towns over tomorrow to try to pay the bill in person.

While trying to log onto my PC, it took an inordinate amount of time to boot up. I went into panic mode. I cannot afford a new PC right now as I am trying desperately to save so we can relocate out of Dodge. Mom heard the growl of frustration and asked what was wrong. I snapped an answer…and still feel like a heel for doing so.

Then I noticed the notice on my desk that I was supposed to have my emissions tested by Wednesday. And Monday is a holiday.

Contemporary Christian artist, Francesca Battistelli, sings a song called “This is the Stuff” and talks about all these little things, like misplacing keys, or getting a traffic ticket, and how He uses even this to remind us how blessed we truly are. My faith is still here but I’m weary of this darkness that has been visited on my life for too long now. I am blessed. I know I am. But I don’t believe the platitude that He never gives us more than we can bear. I’m about used up. And so is every person who has ever gone insane, suffered a coronary or an aneurysm, or worse. Maybe it’s our resistance to whatever work He’s doing in our lives that we just don’t understand, but it’s hard not to succumb to despair when you’re doing the best you know how to do. Maybe it’s not my place to “do” anything…except wait on Him.

I am reminded of that meme that goes around on social media sometimes. I’m paraphrasing but it’s something like, I trust you God, but hurry. I vaguely remember asking Him to help me with my impatience. I’m still struggling with that one. (sigh)

May God bless you & keep you!