“This know also, that in the last days perilous times shall come. For men shall be lovers of their own selves, covetous, boasters, proud, blasphemers, disobedient to parents, unthankful, unholy, without natural affection, truce-breakers, false accusers, incontinent, fierce, despisers of those that are good, traitors, heady, high-minded, lovers of pleasures more than lovers of God, having a form of godliness, but denying the power thereof: from such turn away. For of this sort are they which creep into houses, and lead captive silly women laden with sins, led away with divers lusts, ever learning, and never able to come to the knowledge of the truth.” (2 Timothy 3:1-6)
I don’t know if these are truly “end days” but it sure feels like it when I read that passage from Scripture.
I mentioned in my last post that social media is breeding narcissists, or men who “shall be lovers of themselves.” Granted, this is only one person’s opinion based on personal observation, but it is what I see.
I refuse to refer to any dictionary written within the last 20 years, except for comparison, as the definitions keep changing to suit the more depraved needs of our fallen society. That being said, the 1967 edition of the Merriam Webster Dictionary defines narcissism as another word for egoism, or egocentrism.
Egoism is “1. a doctrine that all the elements of knowledge are in the ego and its relations, 2a. an ethical doctrine that individual self-interest is the actual motive of all conscious action, 2b. an ethical doctrine that individual self-interest is the valid end to all action.”
Egocentric, the root of egocentrism, has this to say “1. concerned with the individual rather than society, 2. taking the ego as the starting point in philosophy, 3a. limited in outlook or concern to one’s own activities or needs, 3b. selfish.”
Today narcissism has had more controlling and manipulative traits added to its definition. If you Google narcissism, you get: “a personality style marked by grandiose self-importance, a profound lack of empathy, a constant need for admiration, and a belief in one’s own uniqueness and special status.” Then AI goes on to say that there is a “sense of entitlement,” “fantasies of success” and “exploitative behavior.” This definition seems to build upon the earlier, and likely more accurate definition, but there is also further reading about something called: Narcissistic Personality Disorder.
Sadly, every bad behavior, every area of our lives where there is a need for God’s healing and love, we turn into a disease or a disorder…and there’s definitely some validity in that. This is because it makes it easier for the victim–whether we’re talking about the person(s) adversely affected by another’s poor behavior, or the person caught up in that poor behavior–to heal, to see what’s been afflicted upon them as something more manageable, something they can change, or improve upon.
Oftentimes, with any sort of abuse–including controlling and manipulative behavior–the victim (in this case, the person being adversely affected by another’s behavior) takes on the mantle of blame and shame. It’s somehow their fault. We see this especially in children. The child who is being abused in some way pushes himself/herself to excel…to a point of fanaticism, where it actually becomes a form of self-harm. Their whole sense of being is tied up in winning, in doing their best…and that best is never good enough because, if they were good enough, they wouldn’t be abused. It’s a vicious cycle. I call them “mind tapes” and they are the most insidious consequences of abuse. By calling the abuse, the addiction, the controlling and/or manipulative behaviors a “disorder” or a “disease,” we help rewrite those “tapes.” The victim learns to accept that it wasn’t their fault.
The flip side of that is by re-labeling something a “disease” or a “disorder,” sometimes accountability gets lost.
Yes, oftentimes the person with the “disorder” or the “disease” was themselves a victim of someone else’s “disorder” or “disease” and never learned any other way of behaving, or treating others. And, yes, they often do see, or hear, themselves. The regret and shame get internalized, festering, growing, tying them in as many knots as the people around them. At some point, they hit rock bottom and finally seek the help they need to heal.
Or not.
Some people never seek help. Some people never see a problem, never believe there’s been harm done.
That’s happening on social media, too. We have the armchair critic, or “expert,” who “shouts” down anyone who disagrees with them. Their pages are filled with vitriolic memes against Democrats, Republicans, Christians and our Founding Fathers. If said memes make some sort of claim and one fact-checks it, sharing a link to that fact-check, they become unhinged. There’s no reasoning with them.
Just like there’s no reasoning with the alcoholic, the drug, sex or gambling addict, etc.
One thing that none of the definitions of narcissism includes is that, oftentimes, the person who displays this egocentric behavior does NOT truly think so highly of themselves. Oftentimes, the narcissistic behavior masks a carefully hidden lack of confidence and faith in their own worth. The definition is only about the behavior itself, not the root cause of it.
And where do we most see this mirrored?
Yes, on social media.
Every armchair critic or “expert” seeks validation of their beliefs and opinions. That’s often why they react so strongly when somebody calls them out, or simply does not share their opinion: only their opinion matters.
We share photos of our own accomplishments, and those of our children or grandchildren, but how often do we share the accomplishments of others?
And though it may seem innocuous enough, and some may engage in it just for the fun of it, instead of posting an actual photograph of ourselves, we create an avatar. We use the provided filters to create an image that completely takes away from our true beauty. At best, we upload a photo from 20 years ago…when we were younger, thinner, etc. In short, we create a lie. We allow our egos, bruised and battered though they may be, to elevate “self” rather than others…as He has called us to do.
May God bless you & keep you!
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